


The Candy Incident

by JuZu



Series: We call it smart family business [8]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Halloween, M/M, Mafia AU, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:08:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27250972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuZu/pseuds/JuZu
Summary: It's Halloween and Lambert enjoys a night alone with candy. If he only had some more restraint... but Eskel gets a laugh out of it.
Relationships: Eskel/Lambert (The Witcher)
Series: We call it smart family business [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1874068
Comments: 6
Kudos: 59
Collections: Sordid Saovine - The Witcher Halloween Event





	The Candy Incident

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Halloween! Enjoy this cute stand alone fic in the We call it smart family business universe!  
> This is my entry for the Sordid Saovine Witcher Halloween Event!  
> Enjoy!
> 
> CW// Vomit, but not graphic.

“Geralt! I’m ready!” little Ciri said as she danced around in her poofy princess dress.  
  
“Yes my Cucciola, we’re coming. Are you sure you’re not coming, Lambert?” Geralt asked, dressed again in a ridiculous king costume. Lambert shook his head.  
  
“I’ll stick around. You can’t trust Cahir to keep this all standing. I got it. Go have fun with Ciri,” he said. Geralt nodded but Ciri pouted at the answer.  
  
“But Lambi! I want you to come too!” she said with big eyes. Usually Lambert fell for that but tonight he had different plans. He knelt down in front of her.  
  
“No Luce, tonight I will stay home. Steal some candy for me okay, little princess?” he asked.  
  
“You get all the icky black licorice!” Lambert grinned, he was the only one in the entire family that liked the stuff. Any Ciri got was meant for him.  
  
“Come sweetheart, stop pestering Lambert, we have to go!” Jaskier called from across the hall. He was also dressed as a king, even more ridiculous than Geralt. Eskel stood next to him, looking rather handsome as a knight. He winked at Lambert and blew him a kiss. Lambert rolled his eyes but couldn’t stop a grin from forming on his face.  
  
“Coming Jaskier! Bye Lambi! Have fun tonight!” she exclaimed and joined the others. 

* * *

Ciri was one of the lucky kids that got to celebrate Halloween twice a year. First, a safe way to trick or treat, she would go door to door by caporegimes and soldiers to collect candy, accompanied by Geralt and Lambert dressed up as her king and knight. They didn’t just give her a small amount, she would come home with buckets filled with candy and chocolate. It would last her for half a year and she was delighted. Geralt left the candy in Lambert’s hands, he had to make sure she didn’t eat too much at once. And he did, Ciri never ate more than she could handle. But leaving it with Lambert didn’t mean her candy was safe. Every day Lambert stole some candy himself, a few handfuls every time, just enough that she didn’t notice. 

Over two weeks he had stolen a lot of candy and he was planning to eat it all tonight. He waited until the car had left the premises. Tonight Ciri would celebrate Halloween again, this time at a charity event that Geralt organized to help with his reputation, it was just handing out candy to people. Lambert hated all the fake caring, he preferred to stay home. 

* * *

Because the house was nearly empty Lambert didn’t lock the door of his bedroom. He walked to the sitting room in the back and revealed a big crate filled with candy and chocolate. He grinned widely, this night would be amazing. He did feel a little bad about lying to Eskel about the candy. Eskel had asked if he could have some of Ciri’s, it was so much she would never know, and he had always refused. It was Ciri’s, so nothing for Eskel unless she tells him he can have some, but she never did. All the while Lambert had been stealing candy by the bucket. 

He sat down on his couch with a good bottle of rum and loads of candy. He started his favorite horror movie and unwrapped a bar of chocolate.  
  
“Happy Halloween,” he said with a grin and bit into it. After the chocolate he went through a bag of black licorice, then a bag of gummy worms. It was all washed away with an expensive rum he saved for tonight, a bottle he got from Eskel as a birthday gift. Not that he celebrated his birthday but he was happy with it nonetheless. Tonight was his night and it would be perfect.

A few movies later, Lambert understood what Geralt meant by not feeding Ciri too much candy. He was in pain, he couldn’t move. His stomach made a weird noise and he was so full. He groaned when he tried to move. This wasn’t good, not good at all. It was getting late and he had to hide the evidence before they came home but moving was too much. He tried to stand up one more time but his stomach disagreed and turned. He quickly covered his mouth and sat down again. Noted, no getting up for now. Slowly he slid down on his side, hugging his stomach. Maybe a short nap made him feel better, then he could clean up before everyone got home. Just a small nap… 

* * *

Geralt and Jaskier carried a sleepy Ciri to bed and Eskel went to find Lambert. He wasn’t in the lounge so the other place he could be was their bedroom.  
  
“Lambert? Are you still up?” he asked as he entered the bedroom. The bed was empty but the door to the sitting room was open. “Lambert?” He looked inside. The first thing he saw was a half-empty bottle of rum, the second thing was a mountain of candy wrappers and empty bags. Then he heard Lambert groan. “Babe?” he asked, amusement clear in his voice.  
  
“Shut the fuck up…” was the answer he got. He walked over to the couch and was met with a miserable Lambert. His face was pale and he looked like he was in pain. He was holding his stomach which made weird noises. Eskel crossed his arms with a smug smile.  
  
“Babe? Did you steal candy from Ciri?” Lambert whined in response. “I take that as a yes,” he said with a chuckle.

Eskel helped Lambert sit up and Lambert covered his mouth again. He whined softly and gripped his stomach. Eskel eyes widened.  
  
“Keep it in!” He stood up and ran to the bathroom for a bucket. He came back just in time, as soon Lambert had the bucket in his hand, he vomited. Eskel sat next to him and rubbed his back. “There there, let it all out,” he said softly. Lambert coughed and wiped his mouth.  
  
“Fuck…”  
  
“Let’s get you cleaned up and in bed,” Eskel said and took the bucket from Lambert. He tried to help Lambert stand up but he refused.  
  
“No, it’s coming out if I move,” he pouted, the poor man still looked terrible. Eskel thought for a moment then grinned.  
  
“Hold on tight okay?”  
  
“Eskel NO!” Lambert shouted but Eskel was already lifting him bridal style. Lambert wrapped his arms around Eskel’s neck. “Please put me down.” Eskel only smirked and carried him to the bathroom. He gently put down Lambert by the toilet who immediately emptied the rest of his stomach.  
  
“What a waste of rum,” Eskel said deadpan, earning him an elbow against his leg.  
  
“Can you not? Please?” Lambert asked in a soft voice. Eskel looked down at his boyfriend. He was still pale, small bags under his eyes from short nights and he was probably a little drunk as well. He looked so small on the bathroom floor, Eskel couldn’t stop the aw escaping his mouth, Lambert scowled at him. “Fuck off…”  
  
“Sorry babe. Stay there, I got you.” Eskel flushed the toilet first and gave Lambert some water to rinse his mouth. While Lambert did so, he prepared his toothbrush and knelt down in front of him. “Say ahh,” he said, holding up the toothbrush.  
  
“You’re kidding. You’re fucking kidding right?” Lambert said, almost offended.  
  
“You stole candy, you get to suffer some nice karma. Let me and I won’t tell. I want to help you.” Eskel held up the toothbrush again. Lambert grumbled, something about this not being fair but opened his mouth. Eskel smiled and started brushing his teeth, his other hand holding Lambert’s chin. He was soft and gentle, taking care of Lambert as well as he could. Lambert blushed slightly and Eskel kissed his forehead. “You’re doing great babe.” Lambert whined again and spit out the toothpaste in the toilet.  
  
“Shut up…” he mutters and looks away.  
  
“Do you want me to carry you to bed or can you walk yourself now?” Eskel asked him. Lambert stared at the floor for a moment, then reached out as Ciri would, his arms up at Eskel. Eskel couldn’t hide his smile as he picked up Lambert . Lambert wrapped his arms and legs around Eskel.  
  
“I hate you,” he says, his voice muffled by Eskel’s neck.  
  
“I know. I love you too.” Eskel gently lowered him onto bed. While undressing him he noticed Lambert fighting to stay awake. “Sleep babe. I’ll be here in the morning to tend to your tummy ache.” He added to his point by softly rubbing Lambert’s stomach. Lambert blushed all over again but did close his eyes. 

With Lambert finally asleep, Eskel could clean up the mess. He drained the bucket, picked up all the wrappers and put away what was left of the candy. While Lambert had eaten a mountain of candy, there was still a mountain left. He sighed and wondered how to deal with this. Keeping it here meant that Lambert would keep eating until he was sick again. It might be a good idea to move some to Geralt’s candy drawer, keep it out of Lambert’s hands. But that was a problem for tomorrow.

* * *

The next morning Eskel did the morning rounds instead of Lambert, letting the poor man sleep some more. He also made breakfast for him, Lambert looked worse for wear with heavy eye bags and still a slightly pale face.  
  
“Pancakes babe? With whipped cream too?” he asked with a shit-eating grin and Lambert gave him the finger.  
  
“Fuck off Eskel. Just toast or something. I can’t look at any more sweets for another year.”  
  
“I know babe, it’s coming.” Lambert rolled his eyes and yawned. There was a peaceful silence in the kitchen that was interrupted by a screaming Ciri.  
  
“Lambi Lambi! Look what I got for you!” She held up a big bag of candy and Lambert gagged. Eskel didn’t even try to hide his laughter and cracked up. He had to hold on to the kitchen counter so he wouldn’t fall over. Lambert made a face at him and turned to Ciri.  
  
“Thank you, Luce. I’ll… eat it later okay?” Ciri beamed and pushed it into his hands.  
  
“Enjoy Lambi!” she exclaimed and ran out of the kitchen again. Lambert put the bag on the kitchen island with a huff.  
  
“Shut the fuck up Eskel!” he growled but even he couldn’t stop the small smile on his face. “I really fucking hate you.”  
  
“Love you too babe. Happy Halloween.”  
  


“Fuck you!”


End file.
